Teens are frequently verbally, physically, and sexually abused in their dating relationships in attempts by their partners to gain power and maintain control. The victims sometimes cannot recognize the abuse because the examples from their homes, peers, and the media have been abusive as well, and they think it is normal behavior.
At the beginning of a relationship, controlling behavior and jealousy can be incorrectly interpreted as commitment and love by a vulnerable teen. The mistreatment leads to depression, anxiety, and hopelessness and can develop into destructive behavior.
Verbal or emotional abuse involves name calling, yelling, public embarrassment, intimidation, and rumors. It leads to fear and a reduced sense of self worth for the victim. The physical abuse of hitting, pushing, and kicking commonly occurs when girls refuse sexual advances. Sometime the abuser knows how to physically batter someone without leaving a mark, so it is not obvious. Date rape and unwanted sexual activity are experiences of sexual dating abuse. A new type of abuse is technology based, and includes text messaging, email, and social networking. The control that an abuser craves can be gained easily by bullying on these technologies.
There is a three stage pattern of abuse that repeats: tension building, explosion, and honeymoon. There is a build up of pressure during the tension building stage when emotions are escalating, and then there is the explosion of verbal, physical, and/or sexual abuse. After the behavior, the abuser is remorseful and profusely apologizes, promising never to hurt their partner again. The behavior is then repeated, despite the regret expressed.
There are factors that influence dating violence in a young person’s world. Unfortunately, if a child has been brought up in a home where men are violent toward women, and the women accept the abuse, they believe this is normal. Peers also influence behavior, and if adolescents have friends who tell them that it is acceptable to abuse dating partners, then they will. With these unhealthy influences in place, the mass media influence also contributes poorly to the perception of a healthy relationship.
The emotional impact of abuse for a young woman is devastating, and it leads to harmful coping strategies including substance abuse, eating disorders, risky sexual behaviors, and suicide.
When a young woman is experiencing abuse, it is almost impossible for them to seek help and end the abusive relationship. Many feel that they would rather be in the cruel relationship than in no relationship at all. They also fear that their peers will take sides with the abuser. Victims are reluctant to seek help from adults because of previous mistrust of parents or people of authority. A victim may also have a misconception of what is normal and remain in the relationship.
School based prevention programs can be implemented to address teen dating violence. This offers the opportunity to change attitudes and teach alternatives to violence. These programs are providing evidence that they can reduce the chances of abuse developing.
By: Grace Enderlein
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Teen Dating Violence
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
How To Handle Rejection And Overcome Your Fear Of Approaching Women
Is the fear of getting rejected stopping you from approaching and meeting girls? This does not have to be the case if you know how to handle rejection expertly.
A lot of guys face rejection because they start out with the wrong objective in mind. Some of them look at approaching women as a seduction game that they have to win. For others, the aim of approaching women is simply to get a phone number or a date.
I used to think like this too before I realized that rejection is relative to how you determine your goal or your success. If you define your objective as getting a girl’s phone number and you don’t end up getting it, you will feel like you’ve failed. As a result, you end up stressing about it while approaching women or making conversation.
Now, what if you define your objective as meeting women to discover interesting activity partners? Takes a load off of your shoulders, doesn't it? Now you don't have to be so stiff when talking to a girl and you can concentrate on getting to know her better.
Women are also more receptive when they sense that you genuinely want to get to know them. They feel the sincerity of your approach and are more likely to open up to you.
Another way to overcome rejection when meeting women is to vary your approach. Make sure it’s appropriate to the occasion or the venue where you are interacting in. What’s appropriate in a nightclub may be too aggressive in a sports club.
It’s helpful to constantly try different opening strategies. Experiment to see which approach works and suits your personality best. As you know, we don’t get a second chance to make a first impression. And it’s at this stage that you pitch yourself to the ladies as somebody interesting and exciting.
Lastly, it’s important to have a healthy outlook when it comes to rejection. It happens and it happens to everybody. That it has happened to you has no bearing on who you are as a person. The goal is not to avoid it, but to see it for what it is.
Rejection happens not because you’re not rich enough or sexy enough or smart enough. Even the most charismatic men have encountered rejection at some point in their lives. The only difference is that these successful men never gave up and learned from their mistakes.
Not all women we find attractive will find us attractive in return. Sometimes, you just don’t hit it off. Thankfully, that doesn’t mean you’ll always suffer same outcome when you approach other women.
In dating, like in anything else, you have to keep moving forward. The more practice you have approaching women and taking to them, the better and more confident you will become at it.
By: Carl C.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Best Way to Break Up with Someone
A lot of relationships come with an expiration date. And when that day comes, you’d better be prepared for the best way to break up with your specific someone. It won’t be easy but it’s not something that can take care of itself either.
When breaking up, you can’t help hurting the other person involved (and yourself) in the process. Still, that doesn’t excuse you from being insensitive and charging blindly like a bull. For the best way to break up with someone, check these tips out!
1) Rip the band aid off.
The best way to break up with someone is by doing it as quickly as you can. Do not prolong the situation with endless explanations and indirect answers. Don’t try giving out hints either just because you can’t muster up the courage to say what you really mean.
It’s going to hurt no matter what. Trying to stretch it out will only keep both of you from moving on faster. Sometimes, it’s better to just “rip the band aid off.” Be direct to the point but stay sensitive as well.
2) Avoid goodbye presents.
If you’re going to break up with someone, bringing flowers over isn’t exactly the brightest idea. Unless you want to get thwacked by your own bouquet of roses, save the flowers for another occasion.
Goodbye gifts don’t help alleviate the pain. In fact, they only do the exact opposite. The best way to break up with someone is to be as simple and sincere as you can. No frills needed.
3) No return policy.
Perhaps this is also the right time to say that returning old love letters and presents are not advisable either. Doing so might help you get rid of extra baggage; but the truth is, such a move is equivalent to sticking a dagger into the other person’s heart.
For both your sakes, stop this practice! Don’t be so selfish as to disregard how the other would feel about having his or her gifts returned.
A lot of people think that the best way to break up with someone is by prolonging the situation, giving farewell presents and returning old love letters. Wrong. All wrong. Try reversing the situation and see how you’d feel when you try to break up with another person. That is probably your best gauge for any situation.
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Monday, May 25, 2009
Laughter, Best Remedy Ever!
Laughter is the best medicine, now there is a very common comment. I also believe this one, laughter is the best medicine.
When you are laughing and enjoying yourself there is no better feeling. Your spirits are high, your outlook is positive, and you feel better all over.
Haven't you ever experienced a time when you were at your lowest and that right person came along and said or did something that just made you start laughing? Have you ever
watched a show on TV and someone did something that made you laugh out loud when you were the only one in the room? Here's a good one too, how about reading cards that you are
buying for someone and you find yourself laughing out loud in the store? Laughing is a great remedy for all that ails you.
I have been dealing with some health issues lately and this last week it has really been a little difficult. I am going to be having some surgery done and I went to tell my best
friend what was going on. She is a cook and was working in the kitchen where she works so I went in there to talk to her. As I was telling her I started to cry a little and she
came over to give me a hug and I went to hug her back. In that little bit of time she closed the microwave door that was right beside us and my sleeve got caught in the door. I
had to say, I can't hug you because I am stuck in the microwave door. We both started laughing, it took the pressure off and made it all easier in some ways.
My friends and family make me laugh a lot and I know from experience that it is my best medicine.
I watch Ellen on TV for that reason, the woman can make me laugh like no other. I enjoy her so much and I can count that I will laugh while watching her show. Friends and Mad
About You use to do the same thing.
Find whatever it takes to give you a laugh in your day. It doesn't matter if it is a TV show, friends, family, or a stranger for that matter. You will feel so much better from
laughing and you will be able to handle whatever is in your path in a healthier manner.
By: mckennacon
Friday, May 22, 2009
The Power Of Saying "no"
No is a simple little word, but one of the most important we can use to bring peace to our lives. A common stress-producer that can affect us emotionally is to over-promise and under-deliver and we do this by not using that simple little word, “no.” Many of us have done this at one time or another; however, there are those who fall into this trap frequently, causing themselves considerable stress.
Let’s look at two scenarios:
Although you may already be involved in a number of committees, you receive a call about an interesting opportunity to join yet another. The person calling lists the advantages and how you will be a perfect fit for the duties. You begin to feel excited by the opportunity, but instead of taking time to think about it, you say “Yes”! Even though you may already be over-committed, you can’t turn back, so in order to save face, you take on the added responsibility. As time wears on, you wear down.
At work, a large project is looming. You look at your fellow employees who make up the team and after honestly appraising their talents, you note that none of them are really qualified to take the leadership role. In fact, some of them should not even be on the team. Well, they are, and since no one else is as qualified as you, you become the team leader.
One of your immediate duties is to set the deadline. You set a rather short deadline, knowing that as a motivator and leader, your team can meet it. Shortly into the project,
you notice that there are those who are dragging their feet, not working to your expectations, and as the leader you are responsible to get this project finished as promised.
Gathering all of your leadership skills, you try to get the team working to their full potential in order to get the project completed on time. In the meantime, your stress
increases as you question your decision in taking the leadership role.
Why do we take on more than we can handle?
• Do we need to elevate ourselves in the eyes of others by over committing?
• Are we caught in the treadmill of overachieving so as to look good?
• Are there childhood issues that we need to address, a neediness that must be filled by activity?
• Is our mindset that we can do it better than the next person?
• Do we feel that there is no one more qualified than we are?
Should you find yourself in the habit of over-promising, I encourage you to take time to introspect and find out why. Over-committing ourselves not only negatively impacts us,
but also our families, fellow employees, and all others we come in contact with.
If you are serious about changing, try this exercise: stand in front of a mirror take a hard look at yourself and say “NO.” Practice this often and you will discover another way
of reducing your stress!
By: Best nurse Audrey
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Dealing With Small Frustrations
Most people can deal with frustration for a very long period. But maybe you recognise the situation that suddenly the frustration is too much. You feel that you can't handle the situation anymore, where before you were much more resilient.
People think: this happens because I am getting older, I can't stand that much anymore. But in fact it is not your age that matters. It is because you experience too many small,
small frustrations. They were so small that you didn't care about them. You just left it the way it was. You thought you could deal with it.
But getting rid of frustrations is much better than dealing with them. I know that sometimes you don't have a choice and you really have to deal with your frustrating situation.
I talked about those examples before: in your Job in taking care for parents or ill people. There are ways to deal with those situations.
But now I am talking about those small frustrations. Almost to small to take seriously. And that is were we go wrong. All those small bits of frustration build an enormous mountain of grief. At some point you cannot bear that mountain anymore.
That is the reason why it is very important to get rid of those small frustrations. So you don't have to think: it is because of my age that I can't take them anymore.Make a plan to get rid of one frustration every day. For example: Today you notice that your windows have to be cleaned. Then do this immediately today. In the evening while you brush your teeth, you remember that you have to make an appointment with your dentist. Do this first thing in the morning.
The next day, you realize that you still didn't finish your administration. Do it immediately. The day after that you find the dirty soccer shoes of your son. Call him now and tell him to clean them. Next day you see that your partner forgot to put the garbage on the street. Remind him as soon as you notice it.
It is a bit more work to get rid of those small frustrations immediately. But I can tell you that in the end it will be much better for you. Even in your old age you will be able to deal with any frustrating situation that will appear in your life.
By: Liefya
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
A Mind At Peace
A Mind At Peace
"A mind at peace, a mind centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe."
Dr. Wayne Dyer
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Best Romantic Anniversary Ideas
As your anniversary approaches, are you wondering what you can do to make a real statement this year? Being romantic on your anniversary is the key to making the day stand out
and showing the one you love that you are truly thrilled to be spending your life together. Here are some ideas that are sure to impress.
Romantic Anniversary Idea #1 - Recreate Your First Date
Do you remember where you had your first date? Is there something about that night that stands out, such as a special movie you watched or a song you danced to? As much as you
can, recreate that day again. If you now live far from the location, find a similar place and do the same activities you did on that first day. This will impress and bring out feelings of nostalgia in your spouse. If you cannot remember the details of your first date, recreate the day you were engaged.
Romantic Anniversary Idea #2 - Have a Nighttime Picnic
Find a spot with a great nighttime view. Pack romantic foods, like cheese, strawberries, and wine, and enjoy a picnic after dark. Consider investing in some battery-operated lights that look like candles so you can enjoy a candle-lit meal without worrying about the wind blowing out the flame. Spend some time cuddling and watching the stars. Ofcourse, you will need a back-up plan for rain.
Romantic Anniversary Idea #3 - Create a Memory Book
If you have a bunch of old photographs lying around of the two of you, compile them into a memory book, and include your sentiments about the memories they capture. If you are
not crafty and the idea of creating a scrapbook is scary to you, you can do this online with scanned or digital images. The fact that you took the time to rekindle some of those
old memories will be very meaningful to your partner.
No matter what you do, spend your anniversary remembering your history together. It is on that history that you will build your future, so do not let it be forgotten.
By: Denise B
Monday, May 18, 2009
Effective Tips On How To Stop A Break Up
Are you having relationship troubles? Found yourself constantly arguing with your girlfriend and never actually patching things up properly? These are signs that your relationship is about to go down the drain.
Constant fights and misunderstanding are two of the most common culprits for a break up. I'm sure you're still madly in love with your girlfriend and wants to know how to stop a break up that's looming on the horizon that's why you're reading this.
First of all, it's common to have fights in a relationship. A relationship is a work in progress. Both parties need to work hard to keep the flames of love burning despite challenges. Most of the times, challenges only make the foundation of love and trust stronger.
However, there are times when the fights come too often and everything seems to be a cause for a misunderstanding. When the fights become unhealthy then you think about letting go.
But you love your girlfriend so much and you know you can work it out. If you feel that your girlfriend is thinking about breaking up with you, it's time for you to act.
You need to find ways on how to stop a break up.Here are some tips to help you keep from going on separate ways:
Practice constant communication - everything stems from the lack of proper communication. Your girl may get mad at you after seeing a text message from another girl that may imply something more than the casual acquaintance or friendship.
Instead of being on the defensive, you should try to communicate with her as calmly as you can. Make her understand what it's all about. Be honest, especially if you really have nothing to hide.
Don't raise voices. This always erupts in a fight. And after you've explained your side, listen to what she has to say, no matter how stupid or absurd it is. You have to let her air her side so that the both of you can deal with it and move on.
Be ready to compromise - remember that the two of you are still a couple; no matter how often you get into misunderstandings. And couples need to compromise from time to time.
If the situation calls for it, give in. This will prove to your girlfriend that you are willing to do anything for her because you love her so much.
Go out on dates more often - going out on dates will rekindle the old feeling of courtship. Some of the couples tend to forget this. What they are missing out on is the chance to make your girlfriend feel special.
Dates will touch her; the effort you've exerted and the thought of the action will make her think how lucky she is to have you.
Send her flowers - girls love flowers. You can make her forget about your fight by sending her her favorite flowers. If you can, send her flowers daily, this act will definitely appeal to her and erase any thoughts of breaking up with you.
Now, you don't have to worry about losing your love after a fight and rack your brains to come up with steps on how to stop a break up. Just follow the simple steps provided
above and I'm sure you'll have your relationship for keeps.
But if you've just broken up, how will this help?
It's very common for people to not seek help until the problem is already heavily upon them. But that's why you need an emergency system that is proven to work even in the most impossible situations.
Allow me to take you by the hand and show you exactly what to say and do to win back your ex girlfriend, boyfriend, wife or husband's attention, mind and heart - even if there's someone else.
By: Melissa Haworth
Monday, April 20, 2009
To Gain Control of Your Own Thoughts
Quite often we find ourselves with many negative thoughts going through our mind. These trains of thoughts can become very powerful as we endlessly repeat them in our mind. The problem is that that the more we focus on the thoughts, the more powerful they become. Therefore, it can become very difficult to stop these endless cycles of thoughts.
However, it is definitely possible and these are a few tips to control our thoughts.
1. Make a conscious decision to Stop the thoughts
The problem is that sometimes we attach ourselves to certain ideas and problems, and we subconsciously get a kind of pleasure from going through a certain problem / issue. If we subconsciously keep inviting the thoughts, we will never be able to stop them. Therefore, the first stage is to make a clear and conscious decision to stop the repetition of the thoughts. Be aware of their negative impact and don’t allow them to come any more. This conscious step is an indispensable stage in controlling our thoughts.
2. Look upon the Thoughts as being Outside of yourself.
When we first try to stop the thoughts, it seems very difficult because they feel such a strong part of our mind. Therefore, the second stage is to feel that the thoughts are separate to our self. When a thought appears in your mind, look upon the thought as coming from outside yourself. This is a very powerful way to reduce the impact of thoughts on our mind. Once we realise our thoughts are separate to ourselves it becomes possible to stop them.
3. Who is it who listens to thoughts?
This is a technique to try and discover the origination of your thoughts. Whenever a thought appears, just ask yourself, who is it who is thinking this? What we do is to try and discover the source of thoughts. Through asking this question we realise that there is an “I” which can decide to accept or reject thoughts. By asking this question we will be able to stop the thoughts as soon as they enter. You are not a victim of your own thoughts, it is you who either rejects or gives life to thoughts.
4. Catch thoughts as soon as they appear.
This exercise requires a determined effort on our part. We need to be vigilant and watch every thought that enters our mind. As soon as we see a negative thought enter, we must immediately discard it and refuse to follow it. The more we follow thoughts, the more difficult it becomes to stop them later. Therefore, it is best to catch them as soon as possible.
5. Concentrate on Something else.
If we have a train of thoughts which have gained a stranglehold over our mind, the best solution is often to just try and do something completely different. Don’t just sit around, go and do something which gives you no opportunity to ruminate over your thoughts. By doing this we ignore the thoughts completely, and they lose there hold over us.
“Wrong thoughts are inside us just because we identify ourselves with these thoughts. If we identify with something else, immediately they have to leave us.”
6. Meditation
Meditation is the best way to learn how to control our thoughts. Meditation involves the art of concentration and quietening the mind. In meditation we not only try to control our thoughts but we also can bring to the fore our inner qualities of peace and oneness. If we can invoke the calming power of our own heart, then we use an alternative force to take the place of the negative mind.
“The mind has its own power, and right now this power is stronger than your present eagerness and determination to meditate. But if you can get help from your heart, then gradually you will be able to control your mind. The heart, in turn, gets constant assistance from the soul, which is all light and all power.”
We should meditate every day so that we can bring to the fore as much as peace as possible into our mind. If we only meditate when we are overrun with thoughts, we will find meditation very difficult. But, if we gain peace of mind through our daily meditation then we develop our inner capacities to control our thoughts.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
PEACEMAN
Irritated? Frustrated? Angry? Ready to explode? You're not alone.Conflict is part of everyday life. Conflict produces stress, hurts friendships, and can cause injury and death. We can't always avoid conflict but we can learn to manage it without violence. That way, we use conflict to improve our lives and to learn from past mistakes.
Do it yourself. . .
What skills do you need to manage personal conflict?
• Understanding your own feelings about conflict.
o This means recognizing your "triggers," words or actions that immediately provoke an emotional response, like anger. It could be facial expression, a tone of voice, a pointing finger, a certain phrase. Once you know your "triggers," you can better control your emotions.
• Active listening.
o Go beyond hearing just words; try to understand what the other person is saying. Listen carefully, instead of thinking about what you're going to say next. Active listening requires concentration and body language that says you are paying attention.
• Generating options for resolving a conflict.
o Many people can think of only two ways to manage conflict - fighting or avoiding the problem. Get the facts straight, brainstorm all ideas that might help resolve the argument, and discuss the pros, cons, and consequences.
Tips for Making Peace
• Choose a convenient time.
• Plan ahead.
• Talk directly.
• Don't blame or name-call.
• Give information.
• Listen.
• Show that you are listening.
• Talk it through.
• Work on a solution.
• Follow through.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Fighting
Fighting is a problem in every relationship. Fighting is a very serious problem for many couples.
First we have to understand that we should not fight at all, with anyone. I don’t mean we should not disagree with others or to our significant other. Nor should we not feel passionate about our disagreements. But fighting describes a set of behaviors that are very destructive to a relationship and must be prevented at all costs.
Here’s what we do when we fight. We get angry and defensive. We have trouble controlling our emotions, words and actions. People often exaggerate when fighting or they say things they don’t mean. None of this is productive in any relationships and especially in a romantic relationship. In fact, it is damaging. And it accomplishes nothing.
Instead, when you have disagreement with your significant other, follow the nine commandments of fighting fare:
The Nine Commandments of Fighting Fair: ( Source by : Love Coach Rinatta )
1. Both people have the right to have needs and wants and make requests of each other
2. Even if one person’s needs, wants or request makes the other person uncomfortable or unhappy, it’s still ok to have these needs, wants and requests
3. Both people have the right to be understood, to state their case, to be heard
4. Both people have the right to express their opinion even if it is about each other
5. Even if the conversation makes one of the people uncomfortable or anxious, it still needs to happen if the other person needs it to happen
6. Both people matter
7. The conversation needs to end in a compromise, where each person gets as much as possible of what he or she wants – both people need to work towards a win win
8. If a partner brings up an issue it is already important, otherwise it would not be brought up. Dismissing, stonewalling, ignoring, minimizing and making promises that are not kept are disruptive to the relationship.
9. Emotions such as anger, anxiety, impatience need to be kept in check, even if it means the couple needs to take a break to calm down and/or talk about the issue in short segments
Both of you need to be at your best when you discuss issues so that you do not fight. It is important that intense conversations be timed when both people have the best possible chance to behave as a loving, supportive grownup.
