Fighting

Fighting is a problem in every relationship. Fighting is a very serious problem for many couples.
First we have to understand that we should not fight at all, with anyone. I don’t mean we should not disagree with others or to our significant other. Nor should we not feel passionate about our disagreements. But fighting describes a set of behaviors that are very destructive to a relationship and must be prevented at all costs.

Here’s what we do when we fight. We get angry and defensive. We have trouble controlling our emotions, words and actions. People often exaggerate when fighting or they say things they don’t mean. None of this is productive in any relationships and especially in a romantic relationship. In fact, it is damaging. And it accomplishes nothing.
Instead, when you have disagreement with your significant other, follow the nine commandments of fighting fare:

The Nine Commandments of Fighting Fair: ( Source by : Love Coach Rinatta )
1. Both people have the right to have needs and wants and make requests of each other
2. Even if one person’s needs, wants or request makes the other person uncomfortable or unhappy, it’s still ok to have these needs, wants and requests
3. Both people have the right to be understood, to state their case, to be heard
4. Both people have the right to express their opinion even if it is about each other
5. Even if the conversation makes one of the people uncomfortable or anxious, it still needs to happen if the other person needs it to happen
6. Both people matter
7. The conversation needs to end in a compromise, where each person gets as much as possible of what he or she wants – both people need to work towards a win win
8. If a partner brings up an issue it is already important, otherwise it would not be brought up. Dismissing, stonewalling, ignoring, minimizing and making promises that are not kept are disruptive to the relationship.
9. Emotions such as anger, anxiety, impatience need to be kept in check, even if it means the couple needs to take a break to calm down and/or talk about the issue in short segments

Both of you need to be at your best when you discuss issues so that you do not fight. It is important that intense conversations be timed when both people have the best possible chance to behave as a loving, supportive grownup.